Secret steps to How to be Happy
There are a series of fundamental steps to how to be happy.
Happiness does not lie in the future but in the present moment.
Try not to live the deferred payment plan method, for example I will be happy when I am wealthy or when I am married or when I have a large house.
How to be happy cannot be contingent upon solving some external problem, because there will always be another problem. You have life situations which you deal with daily but that is not your life. You have to be happy period, and accept you will always have life situations or problems to deal with, even when you become wealthy.
A book I highly recommend which will help you in this regard is 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle.
You must stop letting outside events and people push you around and dictate to you how you should feel. It is your responsibility to react positively to every situation ie. you should try not to be angry, jealous, negative in any way. These are all learned emotions and should be forgotten (yes this will take some time)
These learned negative emotions act as a guidance system only! If you dwell on them they will take over your life and affect your goal of how to be happy. If an emotion does not move you forward in your quest for happiness and ultimate wealth then ditch it! The book I mentioned previously will help you.
I have put together a series of recommendations below that should help you in your search of how to be happy and ultimately these points will make you more effective in your day to day life.
How to be happy and The Self-Image
All your actions, feelings, behaviour - even your abilities - are always consistent with your self image. You will act like the person you conceive yourself to be. If you see yourself as a failure type person you will always fail even if success is dumped in your lap. The good news is self image can be changed easily, although please note that positive thinking doesn't help because it is external. If you change your self image everything else has to change to be consistent with your new self image.
"Our self image prescribes the limits for the accomplishment of any particular goal" Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz.
There are two parts to the self image-
1. Feeling, emotional or imagination part - this part only responds to emotions not rational argument.
It is probable that when you were a child that you were shouted at, told off in such a way that it brought feelings of inferiority eg. you asked your mother to help you paint or draw and she said sorry I am too busy. However she said it in such a way that was either positive or negative to your development ie. she can look at you with a smile and say it or she can look down at you with an angry disgusted look and say the same thing. It is the emotional content that made this part of your self image.
The way you felt or visualised that situation contributed to your present self image.
In the same way your self image can only be corrected by using emotion, feeling and visualisation to create a positive self image again.
In your quest to find how to be happy I suggest the following steps.....
a. Eliminate all negative influences from your life. I'm afraid you might seriously have to look at your present partner. Talk to him or her. If they understand great, if not then move forward in life;
b. Start to feel warm thoughts about yourself, as much emotion as you can muster. If you feel this is very hard to do that is usually an indication of the level of self esteem you have at the moment. Keep trying, it is important that you begin to see yourself in a new light.
Try the good morning exercise. Look in the mirror every morning and say
" Good morning ........., your looking particularly good this morning"
Feel this statement with as much positive emotion as possible. Please don't then dwell on any negative aspects eg wrinkles or tired looking eyes!!
c. Treat yourself - no don't get the credit card out. I mean have an hour off! Get rid of the kids for a short time. Go and have a coffee, just you and yourself. You are so important!
d. Keep thinking kind and loving thoughts about yourself. You must be emotional about this part! Keep saying to yourself:
" You and me are great together, we're really going places, we're a winning team."
Try to think of yourself as a VIP.
How would they be holding themselves and acting in front of the cameras?
2. The Capability part - this part responds to rational thought. Your self image will be positive or negative to the extent that you feel able to achieve a certain thing and consequently how happy you are.
For example if you have always been good at sports and were told that you were you will have a very positive self image about sports.
On the other hand if you had a bad experience learning languages when you were young you will always think that you are poor at languages and will never allow yourself to be in a situation where you expose yourself to having to learn a language. This will re-affirm your belief that you are poor at languages.
This situation can be reversed by rational thought. Again in your search of how to be happy I suggest the following steps....
a. Never ever say you can't do someting!
In other words never say anything negative!
b. Take responsibility for your own life.
Stop blaming other people or situations. You are the only one that can be happy or wealthy or can achieve any goal you desire. People in much worse life situations than you have managed. Take responsibility for your life right now with all its ups and downs and believe from now on that you will take charge and you alone are responsible in your quest of how to be happy and ultimate destiny.
c. If you are not busy or doing anything more important then take the present opportunity or chance to enjoy, advance or improve yourself. In other words life constantly gives us opportunities to advance ourselves or to make ourselves happier but we frequently never take them because we are afraid, not aware, or so stuck in our ways that we don't want to change. The more things that you do, the more chance you have of finding out how to be happy and getting what you want from life.
d. Finally, on one of your goal cards (we talk about goals next) write the following self image goal
"Every day in every way I am becoming better and better! I can do or be anything I want because the whole world is open to me"
How to be happy and Setting Goals
I have talked elsewhere about goals, however I will run through goals again because without goals in life you will find it very difficult to learn how to be happy.
You can only be happy if you are working step by step towards your life goals however these must be balanced ie all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
1. decide what your goals are. Visualise. Imagine how they will make you feel when you achieve them. You will find it easier to write them under the following headings:
They are only good goals if your excited about them!
Put down everything you can possibly want. You should be positively beaming from ear to ear when you do this. Put down anything that excites you. Most people have one big goal that stands out amongst the rest (usually a 5yr goal).
2. Now put a time line beside each goal eg. 1, 2...5 yrs. Write each goal on a piece of card and don't forget to write down your self image goal(above) on a separate card too.
3. Take your 1yr goals and take a small step towards that goal right now. Doesn't matter how frightening, just do it! Phone the garage for that BMW test drive, they won't know you can't afford it.
You must take that first step immediately!
4. Keep planning, daily, weekly or monthly what you will do towards all goals, doesnt matter how small just keep doing something! Keep Visualising.
5. Reward yourself for achieving the little steps...keep visualising your big goal and keep planning little steps towards it. Never give in!
6. Take your goal cards out at least once per day and run through each one, visualising and imagining how you will feel when you achieve each one.
How to be happy and Your Attitude
Your attitude about life and the things that happen to you each day can also greatly impact your overall level of happiness and life satisfaction. It isn't what happens to you that upsets you.....
it's the way you react to it that causes you discomfort.
For example Thomas Edison, the great inventor and best known for bringing us the light bulb lost his laboratory to fire. He wasn't insured. He started building his new laboratory the very next day although at that point he had no money. He maintained an aggressive goal striving attitude so he never had the chance to feel unhappy about his loss.
In your search to find out how to be happy you will actually require problems and a mental attitude that is ready to meet distress with action towards a solution.
Form the habit of reacting aggressively (not angrily) and positively towards threats and problems. Form the habit of keeping goal orientated all the time, regardless of what happens.
Self image and our habits go together. Change one and you automatically change the other. When we consciously and deliberately develop new and better habits our self image tends to outgrow the old habits and a new improved self image emerges.
Act as if success and happiness were inevitable, and that you are the sort of personality you want to be. You should not let your opinion colour the facts in a pessimistic or negative way.
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"Happiness is not in our circumstances but in ourselves. It is not something we see, like a rainbow, or feel, like the heat of a fire. Happiness is something we are."
John B. Sheerin
"Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life."
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts."
Marcus A. Antoninus