Just plain lost

by Sharonda
(Durham north Carolina )

I don't have the slightest idea of what or who I am. I don't even know what I want. I know I want to be wealthy but how, my guess is as good as yours. I can describe my self as a jack of many trades but the thing I'm passionate about I just don't know. I'm a mother of two young I know I can but it something that's just stop my own progress I most often just want to throw the towel in. I feel if I'm overwhelmed. I cry now. I feel if I have let myself down my kids down I love them I would like the best for them but I find myself each day letting them down. I can't seem to stop my self. I'm a smart girl I think I even recognized it but to change it your guess good as mine I just don't know I work but my bills are more than I bring in I pray I have dreams of just being a powerful woman but I'm such a fragile soul I try to belong. I don't like to disappoint anyone but I do most of all I disappoint myself my children I have tried suicide that didn't work so here I am with two kids an don't know which way to go. I am strong but I'm not. I let family control what how I should live my life I give other people too much power over me and my childrens life. They say it is best for me what they tell me but my biggest thing they made there mistake Why can't I. I know I will suffer the consequences of my choices I just don't know I wonder why did god place me here with the taste of champagne with beer budget money I know the lavish life style is for me but to get there is a whole other story I know it in me to be a successful powerful woman Ive have had dreams an see myself there just don't know the process to bring it forth I'm ready to give up being a mother a friend daughter sister Im hurting not seeing my life better. I'm a procrastinator I don't plan I waste more time doing nothing than working on my better tomorrow I have excuses after excuses an need an acceptance from everyone I come in contact with. What's wrong with me I need help to make a better me for my family.

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Apr 13, 2011
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Hi Sharonda,

I would like to thank you for being brave enough to share. I would also like to help in as much as I feel I could point you in the right direction.

First of all, although I don't know your personal circumstances there was enough evidence in your submission to conclude that you are very 'normal' whatever normal is and are clearly suffering from the same 'perceived problems' as the rest of the population.

If I may make a couple of observations....many people make the mistake of 'wanting to be wealthy' as a first goal. It doesn't work like this as I'm sure you are perhaps starting to realise. Working on oneself is the most important part of becoming wealthy!!!

In this regard the most important thing I ever learned was to realise the following.....cont below

Apr 13, 2011
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Thank you(cont)
by: Anonymous

.....we think that it is something outside of ourselves that causes us to react to situations(life) in certain ways. That is

1. something happens eg. a car cuts us up in traffic
2. our reaction eg. shouting, swearing and so on at the driver

However, and this is the most important point, there is a step between 1. and 2. that 99% of the population don't see (are aware of). That step is this...there are programs running under the surface(subconscious) that kick in and cause the reaction you have. So...

1. car cuts you up in traffic
2. A program kicks in eg. the 'anger' program. It doesn't matter which program it will have been learned from peers, parents, authority figures while you were very young.
3. Reaction, shouting swearing and so on at the driver.

This is why 2 people can have completely different reactions to the same incident or life situation. It is these invisible programs that you are not aware of that create your life!!!

To start releasing these programs, you have to become AWARE of them. Instead of reacting to life situations ie anger, fear, sadness etc just watch them in silence. They can't harm you!! That silent watcher is the real you Sharonda(your soul) The rest is just programs(personality/ego) formed when you were very young!! These programs are no longer resourceful so ditch them. It will take time. By watching them in silence (with no reaction/judgement) a space will develop between 'the illusion' of life and the real you (soul). You can then develop more resourceful programs eg in the example above perhaps "a happiness program" because no harm has been done and the person in the car has probably got more problems than you have.

Another 'problem' I can see and you have actually acknowledged it yourself is giving away control of your life to others. This is a worldwide problem and people are starting to realise that they are in control of their own lives, not an authority outside ones self eg. family, friends, government, religion and so on. Take back your control Sharonda. There is no authority outside of oneself. (God lies within!)

The process of bringing forward the life that you want can be summed up in one sentence. Become more CONSCIOUS (or aware) of your reactions and replace them with more resourceful ones.

Hope this helps.

Maxwell

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